I'd Rather Die: Evan's Shit List

here are the songs i never want to hear again. this list was harder to compile than i thought it'd be. there are tons of songs i hate, but most of them will have some novelty 20 years down the road, or would make for funny covers. i can assure you the songs below don't fit into either category.

further, there are a lot of things said ad nauseum about music that i'd also like to never hear again. here are some examples: "radiohead/oasis/wilco are geniuses, man...they're the best musicians and song writers and omg i have a huge fanboy chubby," "you gotta see phish live, man."

back to the songs:

1 - jason mraz - i'm yours
in singapore, my first experience of "let's take a mediocre song from america and absolutely beat it to death" was with this one. to be honest, i don't have anything against jason mraz and this song is OK on its own, but it's inescapable. a few months ago i kinda lol'd when i couldn't go a day without hearing it. now i have acute anxiety attacks whenever and wherever i hear it.

2 - bon jovi - livin on a prayer
i hated bon jovi even before going to a school full of kids from new jersey. imagine my pain. (note: there is only one place on earth this song should be considered acceptable, and that's at karaoke in Asia)

3 - katy perry - i kissed a girl
katy perry is mildly attractive and has nice boobies, so she can write and sing songs like this. however, prudish, frumpy hetero bitches shouldn't be allowed to sing along. sadly, this happened on an unimaginable scale. shut up or prove it, ladies.

[note: she has jesus tattooed on her wrist. weirdo]

4 - lady gaga - poker face
most of the people who were obsessed with katy perry last year have taken that obsession, multiplied it by 10 billion, and transferred it to lady gaga. i can only imagine what obnoxious unholiness 2010 holds.

5 - gretchen wilson - redneck woman
this is the uggs/northface/pearls white girl equivalent of some upper-middle-class white kid "really connecting" with eazy e.



6 - lee greenwood - god bless the usa
this kid song trash became our de-facto rallying cry post-9/11? you're kidding, right? songs like this are the reason people fly planes into our buildings.

7 - def leppard - pour some sugar on me
"oh you watched coyote ugly, too?!?! omg my fave part was when they got on the bar and danced!! we should do that too!! we are rockstars!!"

8 - green day - boulevard of broken dreams
this and that chemical brothers song from the bud select commercial were the milan versions of "i'm yours."

9 - black eyed peas - let's get it started
i gained a little respect for the black eyed peas when i heard they had a song called "let's get retarded." then they did what i should've expected...they gave in to the pussy-mouthed, rhetoric-fearing general public and changed it to "let's get it started." other than that, the wikipedia entry for this song unintentionally sums up everything i hate about it: (from wiki) "The song was included on the Barbershop 2: Back in Business and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle soundtracks, as well as the soundtrack for the 2006 romantic comedy "It's a Boy/Girl Thing". The song was also STAR World's first SID. It gained popularity as the theme song for the 2004 NBA Playoffs on ABC and was performed live at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. It was also featured in the film White Chicks. It was used in UK advertisements for the game The Urbz: Sims in the City. This song was remixed for The Black Eyed Peas' fifth studio album The E.N.D. as "Let's Get Re-Started."
"Retarded" is sometimes considered an offensive word, making the song unsuitable for play on some radio stations and at sports games. In 2004 the song's lyrics were edited and "Let's Get It Started" found its way onto radio airwaves, movie soundtracks, and video games.

[note: there's nothing wrong with Harold and Kumar]

10 - daniel powter - bad day
anna from the OC is in this video, which is cool, but this song makes me constipated which is totally not cool.

[note: i cried when anna left seth at the airport]



11 - grease - megamix
this song has become more tolerable in recent years, but only in certain contexts (when i'm totally wasted, naked and alone, singing all the girl parts...pretending i had girl parts). still, why was this song played at every fucking high school dance? no, girls, this isn't a fucking "sock hop" and no i won't be your john travlota and yes i'm gonna go drink in the bathroom and come back and grind my uptucked hardon against you when boyz ii men comes on.

12 - tim mcgraw - live like you were dying
fuck you

13 - beyonce - single ladies
this crap is headlining "singapore rocks." fuck me.

14 - nickelback - rockstar
this band makes me wanna kill myself. i could pretty much pick any of their songs and be satisfied with it being on here. they do make me lol, though.


15 - oar - crazy game of poker
fuck this shit so hard in it's stupid richmond frat boy ass.

16 - kanye west - stronger
i hate this song for a number of reasons. first, i think kanye is fucking awful. second, those stupid fuckin things on his eyes. third, i love daft punk so any time i hear this come on i'm like "YES!!! DAFT PU...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

17 - mr. c the slide man - cha cha slide
and i thought the electric slide was fucking retarded.

18 - soulja boy - crank that
i really don't feel like i need to explain myself here

i can't do this anymore. goodbye.