Seduction -OR- How Allison Intends to Never Have Sex Again

Let's make one thing clear: The thing I am worst at in the world is seduction.

1. Phil Collins - In the Air Tonight
Here's how to definitely not freak out a boy. Take the records Face Value; Hello, I Must Be Going; and No Jacket Required and place them above your bedroom and closet door. Innocent sounding. Until you realize one night that THREE Phil Collinses watch every move you make in your bed.


2. The Kills - No Wow
The Kills are sex. Alison Mosshart is intoxicating. This song makes me want to do it.


3. M83 - Kim & Jessie
The synth is the most seductive instrument. Hands down.


4. Grizzly Bear - Knife
Even I'm puzzled by my own choice here. I've been trying to explain this one for at least a week. I can't come up with anything. But every time I hear it I think: Yes! This makes me totally want to jump into the sack! It's certainly not the words. I think it's in the feel of the song and the way he sings everything so desperately drawn out. There you go boys: the secret to bedding any girl is to put on "Knife" and make a move. I promise it will work.


5. Bat for Lashes - Daniel
If you haven't figured out my position on this blog yet, I'm the one who's 100% in support of all lush '80s tones making their way back into music. With results as sexy as this, who wouldn't be? What a voice and what a delivery! Pretty much all any Daniel should ever need to get going.


6. Metric - Collect Call
Emily Haines... To be you for just a day. I've been listening to the new Metric album nonstop over the past month. I knew I would include her on the list somehow, and I thought it'd be Combat Baby. But this feels more honest. Is seduction honest? Who knows... (I have no idea what I'm talking about.)


7. Bjork - Possibly Maybe
Other-worldly. A little off. But somehow completely turned on.


8. Denali - Function
When I was in college, my girl boner was for Maura Davis of Denali. The only time I ever saw Denali I stood there with my jaw on the floor. Jealous and enthralled. I can't find "Function" on YouTube, so "You File" will have to be a suitable fill-in.


9. Mandy Moore - Wild Hope
I'll tell you something about Mandy Moore: She's fucking perfect. (You can all roll your eyes in unison now.) She released an album a couple years ago. I think twenty people besides me listened to it. Which is too bad, because it was such an earnest collection of songs. I love her. Everything about her is seduction to me.


10. Stars - My Favorite Book
This sounds sickly sweet at first, but I promise the seduction is there.


11. Snow Patrol - Make Love to Me Forever
It was difficult to admit that this needs to be on my list. This song is mostly damaged goods for me now, but I think it warrants a spot. (Hell, if for no other reason than it WORKED on me at one time.) Gary Lightbody has a voice that I want to wrap around me.


12. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
I hate this band. This song though? This song does it for me. Does it do it for you?


13. Broken Social Scene - Lover's Spit
Ditto to everything Chris said. And then some. Everyone should have sex to this song at least once in life. Thank you, Kevin Drew.


14. Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
Does this require an explanation?


15. Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough
To be honest, there is no greater seduction method (and this is coming from someone who does not know how to seduce someone, so be sure to take copious notes) than dancing. In my warped world, this is the ultimate seduction song.


16. Sigur Ros - Staralfur
Cause after all that seduction, you'll need something to wind down to. Perfectly post-coital.


There you have it. Songs you should play if you're aim is to never seduce a person. Good luck out there.